I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
