How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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