don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize