Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize