Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love you. Go after that dick
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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