The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
