Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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