Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
