the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
