Will you blow on my dice?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
