yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
