I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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