Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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