i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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