Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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