I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
