Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
