On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
