You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
