that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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