Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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