he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
