how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
