Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
