Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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