what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
