I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
