I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
