I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize