Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
