That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
