I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
