Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
