You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
