I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
