you're like a bully in the Christmas story
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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