all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
