I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
