I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
