So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
