So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
