Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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