So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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