Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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