this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need a beard to bite.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
