come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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