sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
