If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
