Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
