matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
