There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
