what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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