drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
