My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
