Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
