OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
