I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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