i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
