It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
