TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
