So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
