i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
