So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
