Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
