Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
