My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
