I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
