Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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