if you like me you must not know who I am
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think my fart just growled at me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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